Hi friends,
I want to share a personal story with you.
Growing up, I was teased for being dark-skinned, among other things.
But being dark-skinned sticks out the most.
I hated it. It didn’t feel good. It made me question my beauty and made me a little insecure.
Sometimes, I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough and that guys wouldn’t like me because of it.
Even though I went through these negative emotions, I’m thankful for my loving parents, who instilled in me the pride and beauty of my dark skin.
Their love, admiration, compliments, and affirmations helped me overcome those negative feelings, and for the most part, they helped me get over the people who teased me.
As an adult, I had to go through a healing process and self-work to truly uproot those negative feelings that the teasing brought.
Now that I’m an adult, I love my skin and am thankful that I look how I look. I see it as a blessing and want others to feel the same way about themselves. God created you perfect just the way you are!
This experience in my life led to me writing this chapter in my book, Savior: A Perfect Love Story. I hope you enjoy it:
"Grayson!” I went after him. "Don't leave like this. I don't want us to end today on a bad note. I still love you as my friend. Please let that be enough.”
At that statement, he stopped and turned around. It gave me hope as he walked back toward me. I thought we could at least end on a good note. But, when he got closer, the look in his eyes was anything but friendly.
Grayson’s hard eyes did not soften as he looked at me.
"We could have been something, Kerrington. You are making a mistake choosing Joshua over me. I've known you your entire life. He will never know you like I know you." He said with quiet anger.
"Grayson, you shouldn't see me dating Joshua as me choosing him over you. It’s not like that. I have a different relationship with him than I have with you. It’s like oranges and carrots. Two different categories.”
Grayson stepped closer to me, getting into my face. I could see the anger in his eyes. “I don't even know why I'm so wrapped up in you anyway. I don't know why you, of all women, have a hold on me. I don't even usually date women who look like you." He said.
At that statement, I cocked my head to the side. “What is that supposed to mean?"
Grayson’s blazing eyes bore into mine. "You know what I mean. My usual type is light-skinned women, biracial women, with exotic features; not dark-skinned, Black women like you."
My eyes widened in sheer shock at his words. I never thought I would hear a statement like that come out of his mouth.
I never thought that he would have that dated slave mentality that so many Black men seemed to have nowadays. Grayson was displaying colorism at its finest. And it upset me that he dared to say something like that to me.
Why was my skin tone even a factor for him being attracted to me?
So what, I was dark-skinned? I was proud of how I looked.
I put my hand on my hips as I stepped closer to him, seething with anger.
"Now, why do you think that it was okay to say that to me? How could you, of all people, have that type of bigotry in the depths of your heart when you know what we as Black women go through every day in this country?"
He shrugged as he looked away from me. "Because I wanted you to know how I truly felt."
"No, you didn't. You wanted to hurt me. You wanted to make me feel less than because of my skin tone. But your stupid shenanigans didn't work because I know my self-worth. I know that I'm beautiful regardless of what you, or other men, may think of my dark skin tone." I said firmly.
He nodded. "Alright, whatever.”
I narrowed my gaze at him. "No. It's not whatever. Do you think that women of other races would want you if you were just some average Black guy who wasn't educated and wealthy?"
"Yes.” He said confidently.
I scoffed. “You’re delusional to think that. "
"I'm not delusional.” He said defensively.
"Yes, you are. Because those women wouldn't look twice at you if you didn't have the resources and looks that you have. I’m tired of brothers like you, who would rather build up someone else's race instead of their own."
“I do build up my own race. Who I marry doesn’t have anything to do with that?” He said.
“Yes it does. Instead of marrying a beautiful, Black woman and building a great legacy and family with her, so that you can build up your own race and community, you run behind someone else's race."
He shook his head. “No. That's not what I'm saying."
I lifted a brow. "Then, what are you saying? Are you even paying attention to what's going on in this world? Black men, Black women, and the Black family are suffering. We are dying out. Our communities are failing because instead of Black men and women building up our race together, we are constantly at odds with each other. And it's mostly the Black men who are coming against the Black women. Many of y’all don't protect us or look out for us. Yet you call us bitter and angry, right along with the rest of the world. And that’s sad.”
"Look, I'm not speaking for every Black man in America or this world. I’m just telling you my preference for women."
"Well, I don't care about your preference! You could have kept that trash to yourself."
He smirked. “So, are you a racist? You don’t believe in interracial marriages.”
“Yes. I believe in interracial marriages. I love all races. But, you and your stupid preferences are trash. To say that you date a certain type of woman based on her looks and not her character is trash.”
I paused as I looked at him.
"Imagine what it would be like if Black men were as loyal to Black women as we are to y’all. Why is it that other races of men are loyal to their women, but most Black guys aren't? With your warped mentality and preferences, you're still acting like a slave, Grayson. But, I'm here to tell you that you're free now."
He scoffed. "You ain't gotta tell me that. I know that I'm free. You're just mad because you can't handle the truth."
"Oh, trust me, I can handle the truth. I've been living my dark-skinned truth for thirty years. I just wish that you were different. I thought you were better than that.”
Grayson shrugged. "It is what it is. I can't help who I’m attracted to."
I pointed at him. "Yes, you can. That's BS! We all have free will."
"Well, fine then, I don't choose to be a dark-skinned woman." He said rudely.
I glared at him. "Well, shame on you, Grayson. It's your loss, not ours."
He shrugged. "Well, then, so be it."
"You're a racist, against your own race."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. Your mother is my skin tone. Do you not love her?"
"Of course, I love my mama."
"Then, how can you come from a Black woman who looks like me and not love dark-skinned Black women? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what made you think this way?"
"Yes. I made myself think this way." Grayson said.
I frowned. "You disgust me."
"Good. Because you disgust me too."
"I hate that I ever liked you!" I screamed in his face.
"Good! Because I hate that I ever loved you!" He screamed back.
“You may have desired me. But, you never loved me. A man who loved me would never speak to me how you just spoke.”
“I did love you.” He said, solemnly to me.
"No, you didn’t. I hate that I ever kissed you, and I no longer want to be your friend. You have disrespected me in a way that I never thought that you would. We’re done, Grayson.”
"Well, I'm sorry that I've hurt your feelings."
"No, you're not. You wanted to hurt me, and it worked. My skin tone is something that I can never change about myself. It is something that I don't want to change about myself. I love my dark skin. It makes me who I am, and it is something that I am proud of. But, as for you, I hope that you heal from your self-hate, and learn to love Black women the way we deserve to be loved."
"I don’t have self-hate. If I choose to be with a woman of a different race, that doesn't mean that I'm choosing another race over my race."
"Oh, yes it does. And for the record, we as Black women are the most beautiful women on this planet. We are smart, powerful, and loyal. We can transform your entire life. We are the only women on earth that understand and relate to what you go through as a Black man. We can make your life heaven on earth. But, with a warped mind like yours, you don't deserve us. So, good luck on your quest to whatever woman you are looking for."
Turning away from Grayson, I whipped my hair in his face and walked back into my house, slamming the door behind me and locked it.
“Kerrington!”
“Kerrington!”
"Kerrington! "
I tried to ignore him as he yelled my name and beat on my door.
"Kerrington!"
"I'm sorry! I didn’t mean it!”
I snatched the door open. "Grayson, get away from my door before I call the police. We don't yell and scream in my neighborhood like this. "
He stepped back. "I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I didn't mean those things that I said."
"You are sorry. And I don't accept your apology. Now, leave my house!”
I closed the door and locked it. Going upstairs to my bedroom, I fumed with anger. I couldn't believe the nerve of Grayson.
I despised Black men like him. Deep down, I knew that Grayson was trying to hurt me because I hurt him. I knew that he was trying to get a rise out of me because of his bruised feelings.
But, that didn't stop the sting of his words to my soul. I had dealt with being teased about my dark skin my entire life, and it was still a sore spot for me. So, having someone, I considered a close friend tell me that my dark skin was a problem hurt me to my core. I never knew that Grayson felt that way. I guess it's true what they say. You can know a person your whole life and not know them at all.
Climbing into bed, I said a quick prayer.
I couldn't wait to get to church tomorrow and praise God for delivering me from a man like Grayson. Tonig
ht, God exposed Grayson's heart to me, and confirmed that Grayson was not the man for me. A man with a heart like his was someone that I didn’t want to be around.
XO,
Dr. Rich💋
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